Basically, the process is about releasing and letting go of what will not serve you in the New Year.  It will help identify what you will leave behind and not drag into the New Year with you—freeing you for a New Year filled with possibilities.  This coaching practice also helps you pinpoint  what you want or need to take with you into the New Year—what you still want or need to improve, practice, strive for, learn from, etc.  If you follow the instructions below, you will gain clarity as the process unfolds.

So, are you up for it?  There’s bound to be some time you can carve out tomorrow on New Year’s Eve.  We encourage you to “have fun with this” because if you get too serious, it may seem like a daunting task and you may find yourself resisting it completely.

Start by sitting down with pen and paper in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed.  List all the events, situations, problems, goals, desires, etc. that you experienced in 2008.  Just go with whatever comes to mind whether you viewed the situation as good or bad.

Your next step is to go down the list, look at each item and ask yourself if you are “complete” with that item.  By “complete” we mean are you ready to release it?  If it was an event or situation that you deemed good, are you finished celebrating it and are ready to allow new good to enter your life?  If it was something you regard as bad, are you finished obsessing about it—do you still have strong emotions that need to be worked out?  With all situations, ask yourself if you have learned from it?  If so, are you applying the learning?  Is there more for you to do about this item?  Are you truly ready to release it?  You can ask yourself any other questions that seem appropriate for you.

As you go down your list, draw a line through the ones you are ready to release.  When finished with that list, on a clean sheet of paper list the ones you are not ready to release.  Look at each one separately and begin to reflect on what you still need relative to that item.  The ones on this list are the ones you will take into the New Year with you.  Perhaps there is a goal where you can take new action or a problem that you can approach in a new way.  Remember, what didn’t work in 2008 probably won’t work in the New Year either—think out of the box.

If you need more time than you have on New Year’s Eve, do not worry.  You can continue to reflect on these items that you are taking into the New Year any time at all.  It can be an ongoing process.  The ones on this list can also be released at any time in the future—you don’t have to wait until next New Year’s Eve!

Best Wishes and Happy New Year

Lynn and Julie

Wishing life away brings to mind other instances when we can find ourselves doing the same thing.  How about when working at a job that you are not satisfied with and you continually look at the clock waiting for your lunch break.  Then after lunch you count the hours/minutes until quitting time. Have you ever done that?  What about when doing a task around the house that you are not fond of…what is your mind focused on?  Ideally your mind would be focused on the task at hand, in the moment, because that is all you have.  You’d be truly experiencing every minute of your life rather than zoning out.  Yet it is common to avoid the moment when it is not comfortable or when it is not what we want, isn’t it?  But then we are not truly living our life, we are spending a large part of it wishing for something else. 

When we are in any uncomfortable situation—the dark, cold days that we would rather avoid or the dissatisfaction with a job—it is an opportunity to practice gratitude.  Yes, gratitude!  Gratitude does put us in the moment and has us feel and experience our life more fully.  Sure, it’s easy to be grateful when things are going very nicely—it’s another thing entirely to be grateful for the things we don’t like, for what may even be painful emotionally or physically.  Yet that is how we truly gain the ability to live each moment of our lives and to gain that sense of inner peace that allows us to enjoy our lives more.

Right now so many people are going through tough times because of the economy.  Losing jobs, losing homes, losing a business, seeing investments dwindle, etc.  What a great time to “be with what is”.  Just sitting with the emotions and practicing gratitude for life, for what is present.   

So how about it?  Are you up for practicing gratitude for everything—just being with what is even if you don’t like it?  Of course, you may have the opportunity to change it and if you can’t change it, then your practice of gratitude will certainly make a difference in how you feel. Your practice of gratitude will change “you”.   

Most of what we have said in “The Art of Being a Good Client”, posted here on October 29, 2008, applies even when your coach is to be found within the pages of a book.  You certainly can’t get more out of it than you are prepared to put in.  If you approach the exercises in a half-hearted way, you’ll get half-hearted results.  Doing this only keeps diluting the impact.

So the best place to start is by asking yourself if you are truly up for having change in your life.  It is OK if you feel butterflies in your stomach, or dryness in the mouth as you contemplate change.  That’s a perfectly normal reaction and it means that the change you are thinking about has substance and will make a big difference to your life.  Even if you are not sure what that change might be, knowing that something needs to happen is a great place to start.

Once you have established that you are ready to play an active part in the unfolding of this book’s story, then you must be absolutely ready to be present with the book, what it says and what it presents for you to do and/or think about.  It is critical that you do deep introspection to weed out beliefs and patterns that are not in alignment with the change you desire.  As you do this and complete the exercises, you will discover the  behaviors and attitudes necessary to achieve your desired change.  You will get so much more out of the book when you engage yourself thoroughly with it.

In the introduction to the book titled ‘Getting Started’, we give you various ways of working with it – we’ve listed them below.  This is the design part of the relationship with the book—you are the one who knows how you learn best. 

·        You may choose to read the book straight through and then return to the beginning to complete the reflections and exercises.

·        For those who are somewhat new to personal growth, it is best to read and answer the questions and setting aside time to do the exercises as they appear in the book.

·        If you have done a good amount of personal growth work already, you may want to go directly to the exercises to work on the change you want to make.

But this is only the start.  What happens when you get an exercise you “don’t like” – i.e., there’s something about it that makes you feel uncomfortable and it would therefore be easy for you to put the book down?  Or what about when you are asked to take time to reflect and you short-shrift yourself?  What about the ‘homework’ – when the exercise suggests that you practice something during the next week or so? How do you make yourself accountable to the book?

What are you going to do when life gets in the way and you forget all you have learned or started to learn in the book?  Who or what are you going to have in place to help you get back on schedule?   What is going to encourage you to look for the part in the book that will help you?  There will certainly be something there to help you.

It truly is up to you to decide how you work at this.  We do ask you though to remember that

YOU ONLY GET OUT AS MUCH AS YOU PUT IN

And remember you owe it to yourself to come to each session as big as you know you can be.

A couple of weeks ago, my partner and I tried a new restaurant.  We had a window table with a beautiful view of the Bay.  It was lovely.  

We had this elegant waiter, in his mid-thirties and he was very attentive.  I was not very hungry and ordered oysters with ginger and soy.  They just sounded so yummy.  the waiter then told me that he would not recommend the oyster dish I chose and suggested that I maybe consider one of the other two oyster offerings on the menu.  He very carefully went through the other two dishes with me.  I considered the others and still felt ike the dish I ordered was the one I wanted.  I told him I would still try them.  He then, for the second time and with more conviction, repeated that he would not recommend that dish.  I was a little taken aback.  He had tried the dish himself and did not like it.  I told him I would still like to have that dish.  He was not happy with my choice.

By this time I am thinking “What is wrong with this guy?”  And I did for a few minutes!  Then I realized that his intentions were really good.  He did not want me to have a bad experience with my dinner.  He was taking his job very seriously.  He actually even went out on a limb by not recommending it the second time as well.  This is not what they teach them in “waiter school”.   His intentions were very good, you may even call them noble!

So my dish arrived.  It was exactly what I wanted.  I ordered a second plate of these oysters!  The irony of it was that the rest of the good was mediocre at best and hte only reason we will go back there would be for the very dish that was not recommended.

What an amazing lesson this experience is.  Where do I/we trust that we know what we need even with mounting external opposition and internal opposition?   Where do I/we give people advice based on our experience - ie not taking them into account?  Where do I/we get adamant or attached about our opinions and feel that the other person is not hearing us?  Where do I/we - with the noblest of intentions - try and “help” people and it is not honoring who they are at all?

As human being we all yearn to be in relationship with others and yet we actively push people away by not taking them into account. 

The learning continues.

So, today shoppers don’t have to go stand outside for hours waiting for a store to open, nor do they need to stand in any sort of line.  Today shoppers can go online in the comfort of their own home and purchase discounted merchandise and possibly even receive free shipping!

Shopping online certainly does eliminate many of the hassles and more importantly, it certainly is much safer.  There isn’t the danger of being trampled to death by overzealous shoppers when a retailer is not prepared for such large crowds!

Happy Shopping…..Julie

This morning I heard about an incident that is indeed negative and it happened on this Black Friday.  A Wal-Mart employee in a city in the state of New York was trampled to death as people rushed into the store when the doors were opened yesterday morning.  It was reported that this 34-year old male was a temporary employee and was stepped on by hundreds of people.

I wonder how this was possible.  Were the shoppers so desperate for discounted merchandise that they did not even see this employee?  Were they so caught up with their quest that a human life had no meaning to them?  How did they not realize what they were doing?  We all like sales and when finances are tight, many depend on discounts.  At the same time, no discount is worth trampling on someone, intended or not intended.  I am at a loss on this one.

My heart goes out to this young man and his family.  For them it certainly was a “Black” Friday with a VERY negative meaning.

Julie

As I took a quick glance at the list of emails that had come in this morning, I saw some with Black Friday in the subject line.  There was one from Borders that stated, “Black Friday Only Discount Coupon”.  Another one was, “Black Friday Deals at Amazon” and yet another, “Costco’s Black Friday Specials”.  My mind was foggy and I was perplexed…my initial thoughts were, “What the heck is Black Friday?  Are these retailers capitalizing on the downturn of the stock market?”  Yes, please go ahead and laugh with me!  Initially I interpreted Black Friday as having some connection to the stock market—I was thinking that Black Friday was a day when the stock market plunged downward.

Before long however, even without opening the emails, it dawned on me what was meant by Black Friday.  This term has been used in recent years to identify the day after Thanksgiving Day (Friday).  That is the day when profits are higher than any other day in the year for the retailers.  The sales start in the wee hours of the morning and continue until late at night with very large crowds of people at the malls.  So the word ‘black’ here is used as an accounting term which means profits instead of loss—sales being in the ‘black’ versus being in the ‘red’.

To those who are brave enough to venture out on Black Friday, good luck and I hope you find all the bargains you are looking for.  As for me, I think I’ll stay home.  I live in an area that can be referred to as ‘shopping heaven’—oh, will the traffic be backed up everywhere!

Julie

This year for many Americans another tradition of Thanksgiving Day—celebrating with family—will be different.  Although it has always been the time of year with the highest air traffic, many people have chosen not to fly to be with family because of their financial concerns.  Others who would normally drive to celebrate Thanksgiving Day with family are also choosing to stay home, in spite of the fact that gasoline prices have decreased dramatically from their record highs a few months ago.  Bottom line, most people are cutting back and being careful with their spending due to the state of the economy.

Americans (as well as people in other countries) are faced with the dramatic financial downturn and the unknown of where this is all headed.  Many people are already hard hit and many more may be in the future—loss of homes, jobs, medical insurance, etc.  With all this, we might think that it would be difficult to find something to be thankful for.  But when humans are challenged, they are generally able to be at their best.  It is a time when people reevaluate more clearly their priorities in life and what matters most to them.

Yes, we need jobs to keep our families fed and clothed, we want to keep our homes that we’ve worked so hard to buy and we want to be with family for the holidays. And true, it is easy to get caught up in fear when times are chaotic.  However, when we get down to reality and what matters most, there is much that each one of us can be thankful for this Thanksgiving Day.  And we can give thanks for the basics that are actually very important although we may typically take them for granted.  Such as:

• The love of family
• Good friends
• Being able to get out of bed in the morning (having a bed to get out of)
• Eyesight—ability to see the blue sky, the clouds, the birds…
• Hearing—ability to hear our loved ones’ voices, music…
• Speech—ability to talk, express ourselves, sing…
• General good health
• Food in our refrigerator and on our table
• Clothes on our backs and in our closets

The list is endless…we can all come up with much more.  So, this Thanksgiving Day, fully express your gratitude whether you are with your family or not.  If you are not able to be with your family but you have computers, there is technology available that you can be thankful for.  SKYPE, as an example, is a free internet voice service that will allow you to speak with family.  And if both computers have a webcam, all the better—you’ll be able to see one another too.

Whatever way you spend your Thanksgiving Day this Thursday November 27, 2008, just make sure to include thanksgiving for all things, no matter how small you perceive them to be, because without them, life wouldn’t be the same.  Actually, why not express your gratitude EVERYday?

There is a physiological reason for focusing on the ‘what’ in this way.  We are building up a new neurological pathway in our brain – a ‘gestalt’ or picture which our mind can accept as real.  This will help us move towards this change and not fall back to the status quo.  Only when we are fully clear about the ‘what’ of the change, should we even start to think about the ‘how’.   This means being strong even though the Inner Critic or Gremlin voice constantly intervenes and gives us advice as to why not, or what to watch out for, or how difficult and painful it is going to be.

In Your Life Your Way we also suggest that how we perceive the process of the change is important and we suggest that seeing our change as an adventure is a good way forward.   Like any adventure, we should not set out unprepared.  Getting prepared for the change that we have clearly envisioned helps to give credence to the shift we are preparing to make.

So, as we look at change, realizing that fear is present is a good thing.  Excitement and fear are very closely allied in our spectrum of emotions – why else would white-knuckle rides at the amusement park be so popular?  If you are thinking of taking your own white-knuckle ride, remember:

• Do some self-awareness work first of all so that you are able to approach your desired change from a place of personal strength.
• Spend time envisioning where your white-knuckle ride is taking you.  For here the analogy ends:  It should not be bringing you back to the start of your journey!!
• Look at where you are heading as an adventure.  No matter what type of adventure you use, know that you will need help, you will need allies, you will need to anticipate some of the terrain . . . and you will do the journey one step at a time.
• Determine what your first step or two will be—do not try to figure out the ‘how’ of your final destination.
• Feel all your emotions so they will move through you rather than pull you down or hold you back.
• Set out – yes with some trepidation – but also with the joy of the journey ahead and continue moving forward one step at a time.

When politicians are seeking election to government, they are usually very strong on vision . . . and this is exactly the way it should be.  The naysayers are strong on the difficulties of fulfilling the vision.  They talk at length about the obstacles that are in the way, the hurdles that have to be crossed.  This is exactly what goes on inside our own minds when we contemplate change of any sort.

It’s as if there are two people – the one who wants to have these wonderful changes, and the other who points out all the reasons why it would be better to keep to the status quo.  The first person is the ‘real’ you – the person you are at your core unencumbered by fear.  The second is your Inner Critic or Gremlin – usually built up over a period of time taking on the rules,  fears, and excuses of other people.

So, how as individuals do we work with these two versions of ourselves?  In order to bring about change it really is worth working on the WHAT for a long time until what we want to change gets absolutely clear.  We need to be able to envision a day in our changed life; see it in our mind’s eye, smell the smells, taste the tastes, sense the movements, hear the sounds as we see ourselves living the change.

If you are dreaming of making a change in your life, try taking this first step.  Spend some time envisioning – and enjoy the experience.